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It’s Friday and that can only mean one thing…this post is the latest installment of my #fandayfriday series!
If you haven’t read any of the posts in my series before, this is my weekly chance to tell the world about five things that I love as well as throw a little #FanDayFriday love to another blogger at the end of this post.
As I wrote earlier this week, the first step in personal development is to be open to change. Actually I’ll go beyond that. You need to be open to stepping out of your comfort zone to try something new. You need to look at something from a different angle. Being a pretty empathetic person I don’t usually have a hard time looking at things from a different angle. I have a hard time implementing the things that I’m learning on a daily basis unless constantly reminded.
Case in point: housecleaning.
I know I need to improve my skills and habits. I find myself distracted by things that I like to do so much more than cleaning. My post Why The Dishes Aren’t Done (Today) was written in March 2016, but until I watched the TED TALK on The Psychology of Self-Motivation I really didn’t realize just why I hated doing the dishes so much.
Your common sense will tell you. When you believe you have a sense of autonomy, a sense of choice in what you’re doing, you’ll feel more self motivated.
It’s not the dishes I have the issue with at all. It’s the fact that it’s something that I have to do. A frog, as Brian Tracy describes in Eat That Frog. I don’t like to do the dishes not because I don’t like dishes, but really has to be done and ninety percent of the time I’m the one that has to do it.
Despite my husband’s opinions of my habits, I’m not a slob in any way, but my level of clean and my husband’s almost OCD level are in conflict. Every day when I start my housecleaning, I know that I will never live up to his expectations. Not to throw him under the bus, but even if I checked off all the things on his to-do list, he still would probably find something I missed. Yet, I still have to attempt to clean. It’s a dead end cycle when it comes to my self motivation. I don’t feel competent in my skills when stacked against my husbands “list” which makes it extremely hard for me to even start the task.
Scott Geller poses a remarkable question when it comes to this.
How do we get people to become success seekers rather than failure avoiders?
So my goal for 2017 (and the rest of the year until then) is going to be more of a success seeker and less of a failure avoider.
Get rid of the attitude! I tell my husband daily when he walks in the house after a long day of work and a frustrating commute that he needs to get rid of that road rage attitude that he walks in the door with.
I have no issue with him being angry at what has gone on in the day. Every human being has the right to be angry or frustrated. It’s the way that they handle that anger that is the most important thing.
Not to throw him under the bus, but when he comes in the door with an “I hate the world” type of attitude it immediately rubs off on the rest of the family. If he gets angry about something stupid and yells, he upsets me and the kids and when the kids are upset and crying or screaming it just makes my husband upset. Again, a cycle that is extremely hard to get out of.
One great way I’ve heard to combat this type of cycle is to keep a gratitude journal. While my husband isn’t the type to journal, I told him he needs to think of 3-5 good things that happened each day. By being mindful of the good things that happen instead of the bad one’s attitude can change and start a more positive cycle in your life.
I’ve recently started a paper planner to work with the reminders I’ve set on my phone and this is one thing I want to track.
Being married now for almost seven years, I’ve learned one thing for sure: It’s not what you say, but what the other person hears that is important.
I’m pausing a moment as I write this to cringe a little, but I want to be open about my life so here goes…
In a recent conversation my mother in law’s interpretation of my husband being ok with her moving to our town morphed into him begging her to come and live with us. The subject came up because she’s been living in our spare room since July and is now getting her own place. She seemed worried or something about not being here and that we were going to be upset with her absence.
I’ll admit my mother in law and I have had a rocky relationship and I’m sure she’d probably think that I was trying to deny that we asked her to move here. I don’t think really that we ever had an opinion on her living near us at all, but when she needed a place to stay it was something we had to discuss. I think even with a mother in law that I was best buddies with, I wouldn’t be begging for her, (or for my parents for that matter) to come and live with us for an extended period of time!
Side note: This is the second person of our family who has moved in with us over the last few years and my husband has admitted it’s the last time the invitation is extended to anyone.
Anyway back to the development… What was said. What she heard. What her mind turned it into. All three very different things! To combat this I’ve realized over the last few months that I need to be completely specific, be empowered with my wants and needs and over communicate to get the point across even if I think the people around me understand what’s going on.
I usually have five things to talk about these Fridays, but instead of forcing another bullet point onto my list I will simply ask a question:
What’s one thing you can work on to become the person you aspire to be in the new year?
SHARE THE #FANDAYFRIDAY LOVE!
Remember when I said that I was going to share a link to another blogger? Now is the time!
Go check out…
Brianna attempts to do DIYs and shares them with you while sharing just about everything else too because according to her: that is what bloggers do… right?