Communicating ain’t easy.
Strangely, this article starts out with mentions of The Horse Whisperer and a Dog Whisperer, which makes me think of the very first article that I posted on iamzoewatson.com called Who else feels more like a zookeeper than a mom some days? which showcased how similar being a mom was to being a zookeeper. Now it looks as if I need to work on a new part of my stay at home mom job description: Husband whisperer.
I do have to say though that out of the workings of any family dynamics, zookeeping and communicating with your husband probably are the biggest parts of the job!
Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus.
I’ve been married to Hubby since late 2009, which means we are coming up on seven years married this year, but some days I still feel like I don’t know him at all. I don’t know that I can say that I really have known any of the men I’ve had relationships within the past. I knew what they let me see, but I never was one that could read every mood and anticipate every need, but really the book is right: Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. With this in the back of my mind, it doesn’t surprise me that the title 4 Tricks to Communicating With Your Husband (Women’s Day.com) popped out at me.
Even if I’m not actively trying to go into therapy mode with my relationship the way some people I know have done, I can always use some tips to make our lives easier!
Bridging the Gap
The following four bold items are directly from the article and I’ve commented on each one since sometimes my real life and other people’s real life is very different.
In keeping with the #fridayfive theme I’m adding a bonus tip at the end!
1. Always say please and thank you—and touch him when you do.
Hubby is a blue collar type of guy who definitely forgets that he’s not talking to his buddies from work when he comes home. I get it. It’s common. It wares off, but it definitely is hard to take the teasing and jokes as he transitions back to home life. When he does finally get there his politeness is on par with where it should be.
2. Lead by example.
The author talks about cleaning and this is one that is a big stress for our family. The only difference is I’m the one who is lax in my skills. I have asked Hubby how he wants things done in the past and he never seems to tell me. It’s frustrating because when I tick off my checkmarks of cleaning I expect to be done and I don’t know which ones he wants me to tick off.
3. Play the empathy card.
Out of the four steps the author took, I have to disagree with this one. As a stay at home mom, most husbands have no empathy when it comes to your situation. Working from the comforts of your own home seems easy, especially if they are like my husband and commute an hour each way to work. That all gets thrown out, at least in my case, with the argument about how easy I have it since I don’t have to deal with stupid drivers and stop and go traffic on the road for an hour each way, each day.
Have I mentioned how I once told Hubby I was jealous of his commute. Before you try to commit me to the loony bin, take this into consideration: To me this is ALONE time that I don’t get away from “the velcro kids”.
He seems to think that I work hard. I feel like he doesn’t understand that a tantrum-raged toddler is worse than any idiot driver on the road. An accident that backs up traffic for miles is cake compared to a screaming toddler in public. He, by the way, hates when the kids are screaming and crying, but doesn’t seem to see that situation as being similar to his road rage against stupid drivers.
Either situation warrants it’s own bit of empathy, but the two sides of the gap will never be seen from the other side unless that is, until Hubby and I switch lives for not just a day but for a few weeks.
4. Reward good behavior—the sexier the better.
I really have an issue with bringing sex into a system where communication is being talked about. Really? Is that the only thing that will convince your husband to act like a human being? Can you tell this hit a nerve with me?
If you really want to get things done when it comes to communicating, state things clearly. Don’t beat around the bush with what you want. Men most times can’t guess what you’re talking about by using hints. Most from what I’ve seen don’t want to play guessing games. If you need them to pick up their clothes off the floor tell them that’s what you want. Don’t say, gosh the floor is always cleaner before you come home. Passive aggressive stuff doesn’t work!
What’s one part of your mommy life your partner doesn’t know the truth about? Would you switch places with them to see their side of life?